my PrePositiOn

As a researcher, i've realised how i did arouse to become one and why this job does fit me well.  From a little girl i was, I am a called with have a very different mindset from others. I deifinitely have lots of question and and sometime people find it too excessive for a little girl. But being as a woman my self now, I find it very hard to hide my curiosity in everything. My hidden mission in life: I WANT TO BE GOOD IN EVERYTHING! but what i've been always telling people around is ; i just want to be a moderate person that wontented with what i got..the real thing is i never get contented to anything. It 's not that i'm not ungrateful but i do think dat i can do things better if put hard work covered with luck and bless from God, i'll definitely will come up with a better result for everything. When i think too much bout sumthing, my hands always trembling in excitement because there's so many things to explore in this world. I want to be good in everything, i would like to be good in guitar, i want to be good in study of course, i want to be good in social life, i want to be good  to my family, i want to be good in EVERYTHING..haha that a disease that will one day tire me out but up until now, this 25 years of living, i never sick of getting to be one very GOOD person. Bless me ya Allah and do help me out. =>

Immature arGuMent~

Hai there readers..today is a gloomy day..not just outside but yeah inside myself too..I hate arguments...totally hate it.. especially when we found someone who big enuff to think n be a leader but definitely act like a 16 years old.









Where does The maturity goes? or does the person knows what does it means maturity???i bet they don't. For me to found that kind of leader is a total misfortune for me... a big misfortune but i can't change it..that's just the way it is...

People try to warn me bout this maturity problem but i just let the wind of hope blew it away..but definitely the wind have brings back a stormy cloud that is dark and ugly..I am like that cloud, the angry dark cloud..i will throw the rain and storm if anybody come close to me..why not eh?

 I am crazily think that is it that i am the one who is not mature enough in that argument? am i the 16 years old? but i do believe i am not. A successful argument need both sides willing to listen but if it just me and its always been me who listen, what is the other party doing? Keep throwing horrified and cruel tantrum..well we all know how the satan starting to jumping happily when people arguing...

But hey a reminder for married couple, if this is one of your tiny problem, fix it ASAP because trust me, it;s going to be a huge and ugly lump and it won't heal by itself..I do agreed arguments is needed in normal daily life, i meant..but not too frequent because the frustration of it will be like a virus that will bring to a huge disaster. Yes we all know virus can be heal by the vaccine, but the questions are is there a vaccine for that particular virus and if they do have, is it too late by that time? yup think about it, mate!

The TEARY days .I called~

Dear readers, in whole of my life, yup I definitely have shed trillion or zillion of tears but up until now, I still do find it the tranquillity of the space in me which we called heart, after we cried out to our Creator. I know that I got a massive crystal heart that is so fragile and so easy to see through. Though I am currently not a single lady any more but i do still remember the path that I've taken in my past moments of life that shed lots of tears and joy. I am still teenagers no matter what is my status now..aint it?haha just to confirm. One thing for sure tears do follow me everywhere. 

There are pretty eventful of reasons for me to drop the tears ; my exam sucks and its pretty devastating because I always pray to god that I am going to be smarter tomorrow than today, a clean or HOrriBle break up, back stabbing X friends, anxiety of waiting lots lots of result with different events, seeing things that happens to unlucky people who are being injustice around the world and especially children because I do have A HUGE soft spot for children..damn cruel adults, and it's a shocking too that I'm in gloomy and in tears for days/week/months when I have to take decision to break other's heart..I just have to because there's no choice. 

Possibly in life there are lots of chances and choices that we do have, but what a shame...sometimes the choices doesn't seems relevant any more ..plus we always shut our eyes and covered the ears so that we can take an easy exit without feeling guilty..though the guilt is OBVIOUS!

It's always started with HOPE ..and we always have a huge shining hope, and when we hope, we are anxious, when we are anxious we easily to get angry, we angry with people around us,angry with situations, angry with the lucky people, angry with decisions and yep finally its a disappointment because we will angry with ourselves, thus we storm with frustration and devastating aching heart that leads us to narrow path that we can only see one choice; which is to end the shiny but thorny hope and close it shut tight to ourself...in tears unfortunately....nuff said.